She

She lives She breathes

Day in day out never leaves

She won’t can’t and will never go away

Temptation, confusion, destruction

Those are her best features

Chaos, deception, anger

Those make her heart stir.

Her lack of caring made me lose things

My family, their trust, my future.

All of which slipped away

Causes created by the unholy, so they say

She is herself, no disgrace- shows it boldly.

Her fright is only for her controllers

And people that know the past, especially hers.

Trying to escape her

Is not a possibility, never.

If I’m weak she consumes me

She blinds my judgment to where I can’t see

Then I make mistakes- regression hurts

No better, all I do is worse.

Problems cause stress, stress causes doubt

She questions me and what I’m all about

Each day she presents a new test

My reaction is key- I do my best.

I tell myself to be calm, be strong

But one can’t be that strong for long.

She never quits- always picks

Lying awake at night, she plays cruel tricks

Tempting me to throw it all away

But I know the consequences and what I’ll pay.

She doesn’t care that she hurts me

Suffering and pain she likes to see

Only to satisfy herself mostly

Because she thinks about herself only.

Fighting her is an endless game

In truth we have the same name.

In my mind she will always be

But you ask, who is She?

I am her, She….. is the addict in me.